Jury Duty, A Memorable Lesson

You’ve heard it before. We’ve all heard it before. A remark so hurtful and distasteful that it makes every fiber of your body quivers with anger. It’s a disparaging remark about the Jewish people intended to hurt and cause pain. Unfortunately, no matter how hurtful and disgusting the comment, I have always found it difficult to speak up and confront someone directly. In the past, I simply shrugged my shoulders and walked away seething with anger. Of course that was before Chabad, before I learned about my people, my customs, my traditions and my heritage. Today I am proud of who and what we are and I enjoy the opportunity to share my experiences with my fellow Jews. Hopefully by sharing my experiences, others will feel “Well if this average kind of guy can do this, maybe I can too.”

Recently, I was empanelled on a jury. We were charged with the responsibility of determining the guilt or innocence of a man charged with a very serious crime. When you are selected to become part of a jury, in a complicated case, you can expect to spend eight to ten hours a day with people who come to the group as perfect strangers. Some are rich, some are not as well to do. Some are PhDs and some never went beyond high school. Some are very young and some are mature and wise. In short, if done right, the jury represents the entire spectrum of the community.

The jury I was on listened to the case for four days and then went behind closed doors to deliberate. During the course of the first day a discussion between two jury members became very heated and animated. As I sat in my chair listening I heard one young man lash out at another member with a very disparaging remark about Jews. Immediately I was enraged. I wanted to leap across the table and get in his face. I took a few deep breaths and decided to exercise some restraint. We were in the middle of an important point and I didn’t want to disrupt the juries’ concentration at a crucial moment.

At 5:00 p.m. the Judge sent word that we should adjourn for the day and return the next morning. As everyone got up to leave I asked if I could have a few moments of their time. Knees shaking and voice quivering I looked the young offender in the eye and said, “ I am sure you are a nice guy with a good heart but I feel the need to address something you said earlier. During the course of this morning’s conversation you made a statement about Jewish people that I thought was hurtful, ignorant and derogatory. I am Jewish and was offended by what you said. You never know who is in the audience when you speak, thus you never know whom you may hurt. I’d appreciate it if you would think about this expression before you ever use it again in the presence of others.” He looked at me, I looked at him and then we all walked out of the court house.

The next day we reconvened at 9:00 a.m. in the jury room. The people in the room exchanged morning pleasantries, drank a little coffee and discussed the guy who won a million dollars the night before on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire.” As we were about to get started the young man in question asked if he could say a few words. He looked at me and said, “Steve I got half way home yesterday and I realized that I had said something that was hurtful and ignorant. I have used that expression all my life. Never once did I ever equate it to the Jewish faith. To me and my friends it was just an expression, we never meant to hurt anyone.” His voice breaking he said, “I ask for your forgiveness and pledge to you that neither I nor any member of my immediate family will ever use that expression again.” I looked at him for a moment, my eyes searching his face, and I said, “I admire your courage to say what you just said. I would be honored to accept your apology.”

That said we went on about our business. Later that day after the verdict had been delivered security ushered the jury out through a private Courthouse-exit. As the jury members said good bye for the last time, two of the women came up to me and one softly whispered, “Steve we just want to tell you that we thought what you did yesterday was the most courageous thing we have ever seen. Too often people simply sit back and allow these kinds of statements to go by unchallenged. We will never forget that moment.”

As we walked away from one another, going back to our private lives, silent tears began to fall down my cheeks. I was overwhelmed by what had just transpired. When I was originally called to jury duty I was reluctant to give up a week or two of my “precious” time. I felt I had more important things to do then hang around a court room. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be involved in one of the most meaningful learning experiences of my life.

It continually amazes me when and where Hashem provides these unexpected opportunities to learn and grow. My experiences with Rabbi Denebeim in Palm Springs, Rabbi Vogel in Delaware and Rabbi Wilhelm in Oregon have taught me that standing up for what you believe in not only educates those around you but their friends, families and acquaintances as well. Like a pebble thrown into the water, the ripple-affect can go on forever, touching people’s lives and affecting change in lands and communities hundreds and thousands of miles away. Like any journey of exploration, one must however take the first step. But then, helping with first steps is what Chabad is all about!