I can still remember the day when Rabbi Vogel walked into my office in Wilmington, Delaware with a large package under his arm. With a smile on his face he handed it to me and instructed me to open it.
With the joy of a young boy on the first night of Chanukah I tore open the paper and there before me was the most beautiful Tallis, Teffilin and Siddur I had ever seen. They were the most beautiful, because they were mine.
Four months earlier Rabbi Vogel had loaned me a Tallis, Teffilin and Siddur so I could doven Scharist at home. After dovening regularly, I approached the Rabbi and informed him that I thought I was ready to “solo” and asked him if he would help me buy my own. He told me that it would take a few weeks but he’d be honored to help me.
Oh what a beautiful sight. The Tallis was huge and an eye-popping white. The leather binding of the Siddur was shiny and new and the pages crackled as I turned them. And the Teffilin….ah the Teffilin were gorgeous. The leather smell was intoxicatingly beautiful! I couldn’t wait until the next morning when I could wrap myself in my Tallis and don my Teffilin for the first time.
I was so excited I hardly slept that night. I remember looking out the window waiting for the sun to poke its head above the horizon. When the time finally arrived, I dashed upstairs and slowly put them on, savoring every moment! After placing the Teffilin on my arm and head and saying the appropriate blessings I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. I was startled for a moment because I looked just like my departed grandfather Fritz Lobenstein. Same high far head, same thick wavy hair, Teffilin positioned just so on my arm and head, I could have sworn I was looking at “Poppa.” Somehow the shear act of wearing my Tallis and Teffilin seemed to bring us closer together. I was filled with a warmth and satisfaction that was beyond description.
At first friends and family were a little skeptical that I could discipline myself to continue to put my Teffilin and Tallis on each morning. However, from the start “It was a piece of Kugel!” Disciplining myself to cut down on chocolate cake, potato chips and ice cream was difficult. But getting up a little earlier in the morning and dovening was never a challenge. I discovered that saying the Mode Ani when I first woke up in the morning, putting on my Teffilin and Tallis and dovening was an energizing experience. When you start your day, exactly like your ancestors have for the past 3311 years, you can’t help but feel connected to them as well as energized, excited and ready for the day! I’ve found a confidence and inner peace that I never thought possible.
One blessing in my life is my work. It affords me a wonderful opportunity to visit many diverse regions of the United States. And no matter where I go, be it Great Falls, Montana, Wilmington, DE or Waterford, Connecticut, my constant “companions” are my Tallis, Teffilin and Siddur. Over the years my “companions” have lost some of their original luster. Constant use has somewhat dulled the brightness of my Tallis. The straps of my Teffilin have lost some of their original sheen and the cover of my Siddur is so worn out that I have had to cover it with duct tape to keep it from falling off.
Yet these old “friends” provide more comfort and joy today than they did when the Rabbi first presented them to me. They’ve brought me comfort during perilous plane flights, given me confidence while dovening in bustling airports and brought me great satisfaction as I dovened with new-found friends at Chabad Houses around the country. Everyday use has eroded their original facade but their true beauty has only increased over time.
Every time I place another piece of duct tape on the cover of my Siddur, in one more futile attempt to keep it in tact, I am left with a powerful feeling of accomplishment. Every time I wake up in a new city and put on my Teffilin I know that Hashem is with me and with his help I can cope with whatever challenge that arises that day. The joy that results from the donning of two little black boxes in the morning is indescribably.
When I was young and helped my father pick weeds in the family garden, I would whine all day about how much work it was. Dad was, and still is, fond of saying, “It’s only work when you feel you have someplace else to go. If you’d rather be here, the work turns into fun.” Getting up and putting on one’s Teffilin and Tallis is just like being in the garden with Dad. It’s only difficult when you feel you’d rather be doing something else. Somehow the very act of putting them on connects with your Neshoma, your soul. From the first time you put them on you can feel that it is right and this is something you are meant to do. You can feel that it is something your Neshoma cries out for. The very act calms you down, helps you put life in perspective and brings a feeling of joy and satisfaction that is beyond compare.
But don’t take my word for it. I am a Human Resources Director by trade, not a sales person. Do something wonderful for yourself. Call your local Chabad Rabbi, ask him if you can borrow a pair of Teffilin, a Tallis and a Siddur. If you need help with the Teffilin he’ll be delighted to show you how to put them on. Then put them on each Sunday through Friday for two weeks. At the end of the second week you won’t want to give them back. You’ll be on the phone that next Monday asking the Rabbi to order you your own. And somewhere down the line, when you’re putting another piece of duct tape on the loose cover of your Siddur you’ll know exactly what I am talking about. Go ahead, make that call!
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